You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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