I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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