I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
