i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
