honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
