her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
