Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
