When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
