im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
