so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize