Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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