Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
