did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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