Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
