i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
