and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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