Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
