my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
