My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
