You're a womanizer and a bitch.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
