the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
