The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
