4 words: hood of his car
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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