i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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