I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
