dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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