The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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