Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
