Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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