why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
