addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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