I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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