Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
