my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We're too hungover to prance.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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