Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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