hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
