I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
