Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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