I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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