Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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