last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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