waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
