Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
