If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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