Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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