I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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