i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
