So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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