he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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