My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
