I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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