I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
