We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
