sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
