is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
