I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
