I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
