Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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