I'm eating all of the evidence.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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