She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
