Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
