My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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