i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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