Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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