Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
