I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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