Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
