Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
