i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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