about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
