just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
