I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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