She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Actions speak louder than pants.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
