I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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