Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
