wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
