Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize