I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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