i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
