I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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