he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
