I haven't been this sober since birth.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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