She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
