Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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