We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
