No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
