Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
