you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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